in the moment

In our jet lagged state we lugged 450 pounds of luggage up two flights of stairs. Soaked from sweat we turned the key and gasped at the miniature size of our house. Weary from the journey, yet unable to sleep, I lay in bed thinking about this crazy life. My chest physically hurt at the pain of loved ones left behind and swirled in thoughts of "what ifs".

The next morning a warm breeze and beautiful 5 am sunrise over the water felt like balm to my soul. I started getting text messages from friends and the kids found delight in their missed toys. I unpacked, bought food, took and deep breath and kept going.

Although 8 years of this bi- continental way of life has started to feel normal, it never feels easy, and certainly not natural. I've struggled with contentment and wondered if we've made the right decision to raise our young family here. And while I value being reflective and intentional, playing "what if" games seem to steal joy and distract from the point. God has shown us so many times that it's not where we are, but who we are. And today he needs us to be here. Fully here. Stopping for our neighbors, engaging in our community and looking for ways to love.

So while I identify with the quote above I disagree that I will "never be home again". If anything this lifestyle reminds me to take hope in a better home. Better even than a big home with a grassy backyard next to Target (I miss you Target). We know our citizenship is in heaven where we can all be together in one place with the Father. That will feel like home.